Did You Ever Relapse?
The bar was jumping when I arrived. It was a Thursday night and just Day 20 of my initial ‘sobriety experiment’.
I spotted my former team mates standing around one of the long bar tables near the back, and wished I felt less nervous.
The old Bex would have been counting down the minutes until this little shindig started. The new Bex was worried. Everyone had always known me as the girl with the champagne glass in her hand. What the hell was I going to say to everyone?
Christopher noticed me first and waved me over, and I hugged everyone hello.
As concerned as I was that I might pass out when the bartender asked, “What’ll it be?”, I managed to keep it together.
As I slurped my first sip of sparkling water with fresh lime, I began to relax a little and the conversation flowed into other topics. Before long, to my utter surprise and delight, I found myself howling with laughter and forgetting all about my self consciousness.
My old work friends were so entertaining, and the mood so jovial, that despite my intentions of leaving after two short hours, I stayed for four.
It was only 9pm as I finally made my move, but for the first time in my life, I knew when to call it a night.
As I walked out into the cool night air, I called Dom.
“How was it?” he asked, picking up on the first ring.
“Oh my goodness, I did it! And it was so much fun!” I laughed, delighted to discover that I, Rebecca Weller, could finally socialise sober.
I was still grinning the entire way home. The feeling was so delicious: a heavenly mix of elation, authenticity, self-assurance, and pride in myself for once. I wanted to bottle it and hold on to it forever.
Boy, was this feeling an incredible revelation to the woman who’d always firmly believed that alcohol equalled fun and connection.
It was such a turning point. It provided vital evidence to combat The Beast in my head that spouted nonsense like:
“Can’t you just moderate? This is nuts! You don’t have to go to such extremes! Everyone drinks! You’ll never be invited anywhere. You’ll be dull and boring and sit at home, crying into your cornflakes, while everyone else carries on with their romantic, glamorous, wonderful lives.”
I’m often asked if I ever relapsed throughout my journey. The truth is, I tried and failed to moderate for more than twenty years.
Deep down, I knew that freedom would never come from trying to moderate.
Because it was a slippery slope of bad decisions. If I could justify drinking at a wedding, why not a birthday? And if I could justify drinking on Friday and Saturday, Sunday wouldn’t be far behind.
Nope, true freedom would only come from never wanting to drink that poison again.
But how to go about that? How to create a life – and a relationship with myself – that was so complete and fulfilling, I didn’t need alcohol anymore?
That was the question that mattered. That was the question that began to change everything.
This is precisely the question that drove my desire to continue practicing socialising alcohol-free: to experiment with what works and what doesn’t.
To find new ways to connect with friends and family. New ways to relax, celebrate, and spend time together, that ensured I always walked away with that same scrumptious feeling of elation, authenticity, self-assurance, and pride in myself.
Savvy strategies, tactics, and mindset shifts to reinforce my journey and protect me (as much as possible) from slipping back into my old patterns and habits.
Techniques, tools, and deep journal questions I can’t wait to share with you inside RSVP Sober: Your Guided Journal for Socialising Alcohol-Free, starting with 8 event-ready modules to help you completely reimagine your social life, and embrace more freedom and joy.
Click here to order your very own copy.
Here’s to a whole new world of unshakeable confidence! ????
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