Today, 22nd March 2023, I celebrate nine whole years alcohol-free, which still seems all kinds of mind-blowingly incredible to me.

I certainly never set out to quit drinking for good when I embarked on this experiment all those years ago. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to stop drinking forever.

But I was oh-so-desperately ready to try something different. My old, broken record just wasn’t working anymore. As much as I tried to cling to the belief that booze made me happy, deep down I knew it wasn’t true.

Something had to give.

Embracing sobriety is never easy. It takes courage, strength, and tenacity. It’s a bold act of rebellion in a society that celebrates alcohol; a commitment to growth and evolution, and all the incredible magic and beauty wrapped up with that.

In other words, it’s a long and bumpy ride; both terrifying and exhilarating in equal measures!

It’s also by far one of the most rewarding and life-changing things I’ve ever done.

So on this day of soberversary celebration, what words of wisdom can I offer you as you embark on (or contemplate) the same journey?

If I could go back in time, there are 3 things I’d tell myself before I stopped drinking:

1. This marks a beginning (even if it feels like the end).

It’s sometimes hard to fathom just how different life is now. Nine years ago, I felt utterly lost, beyond broken, and just so freakin’ exhausted by the sick cycle I couldn’t seem to claw my way out of.  I was terrified – of socialising sober, of never having fun (ever again!), but most of all, of myself.

I didn’t know if sobriety was the answer. All I knew was that my heart was broken, and I was the one breaking it, over and over again.

I was scared of what would happen if I stopped drinking, but I was more scared of what would happen if I didn’t.

So I made a promise. I’d embark on 100 days of sobriety – no drinking, no matter what – just to see what happened.

I knew this experiment would challenge me beyond belief; what I didn’t know is that it had the power to change everything. That I’d finally figure out who I really am, what makes me tick, and what lights me up. That I’d experience the kind of authentic confidence that comes from keeping promises and being able to rely on and trust myself.

And best of all, that I’d experience true clarity around the type of life that fills me with joy — and have no hesitations in going after it.

It’s filled my heart to bursting to realise dreams I never thought I’d achieve – embracing deeper intimacy in my relationships, creating Sexy Sobriety and welcoming and supporting thousands of members from around the world; writing and publishing three real live books!; a ton of speaking opportunities, podcast, video and editorial interviews (heck, even a television story!) sharing the message of wellness and empowerment.

I’ve socialised and vacationed alcohol-free; climbed mountains, cycled through valleys, expanded my creativity, and explored new healing modalities.

But what’s changed most is my very soul. I’ve never felt more clear, balanced, confident, peaceful, joyful, or at home in my own skin.

And I just want to reach back and hug that terrified, lost soul from nine years ago and tell her it’s all going to be okay. That she isn’t broken.

And that far from being the ending she thinks it is, this is actually just the beginning.

2. Your authentic self is beautifully imperfect, just as you are.

As my soberversary approaches each year, it always gets me thinking about where my love affair with alcohol first began.

A little while back, I watched ‘The Carrie Diaries’ (I know, I know, you guys, but it was a tough year, ok? ????).

Now, logically, I know this show is fiction and that every word that comes out of a teenage character’s mouth is written by grown-ass adults, and therefore wise beyond a normal sixteen-year-old’s years – but still…

It got me thinking about the most confident kids in my high school and how relaxed they’d always seemed around new people. How they had zero problem speaking their mind or being completely themselves, in any situation (without the assistance of alcohol).

God, how I wanted that.

That was precisely the thing that made alcohol so seductive to me in the first place – it’s perceived ability to magically transport me from my shy, insecure and goofy self to the confident, outgoing social butterfly I’d always longed to be. It was the reason I romanticised and glamorised it. That was the thing underneath it all.

It wasn’t that I loved alcohol so much – it was that I didn’t feel confident without it, whether I was sixteen or thirty-six. The over-drinking was merely a symptom of the real problem. The problem was that I didn’t know how to be in the world as myself.

For me, this is the deep work and biggest gift of sobriety: accepting and embracing our true selves, and building a new life that supports who we truly are. A life we don’t want to escape from.

The past two years have been hard on all of us, for a ton of different reasons, so wherever you’re at in your journey (whether that’s nine months, or nine hours), I just wanted to let you know: I see you. I believe in you.

And that you are beautifully imperfect and amazing and flawed and unique and goofy and loved, just the way you are.

3. We don’t know what we’re truly capable of until we try.  

Deep, unshakeable confidence comes from taking action. It comes from trying, and failing, and trying again.

You don’t have to have the entire journey mapped out. You only have to take that very next step, and then the next one, and so on.

My initial 100 days of sobriety experiment became 180 days, which became one year, then two, then five…

Honestly, if I’d said I’d be sober for 9 years in the beginning, it would’ve seriously freaked me out. 

I had no clue what that could even look like for me (or for anyone!).

Instead, I focused on taking better care of myself and learning new skills and strategies for navigating all the ups and downs of life. I focused on what I could gain by living alcohol-free, rather than what I believed I’d be missing out on. 

I focused on really getting to know myself again and building a deep level of trust and self-worth.

Each step helped me to amass a wealth of evidence that I could do hard things and prevail – that I was capable of so much more than I’d ever believed possible.

Because, ultimately, that’s what we’re all here for: to experience deeper love and understanding with everyone in our lives, but most especially – and starting with – ourselves.

You are limitless. Go ahead and try, angel. I wish you everything you dream of and more.

Want More?

Throughout my early days of my sobriety, I wrote several articles sharing what I’d learnt. I hope they help you too:

:: 2014 with the decision that started it all:  100 Days Without a Drink.

:: 2015 for MindBodyGreen:  One Year Sober: How Life Has Changed.

:: 2016 for The Huffington Post:  Is It Worth It? Reflections from Two Years of Sobriety.

P.S. How about you? What were your biggest fears before you stopped drinking? What would you tell yourself about early sobriety?  Come share with me on Facebook or Instagram!

If you need some help to go deeper into your sobriety mindset, I have a ton of resources for you!

Start by watching a free special screening of one of our most popular coaching videos – Why Sobriety vs. Moderation.

Ooh, we dive deep into all the big topics in this one: identifying triggers, conquering cravings, overcoming self-sabotage, the benefits of ‘moving the goalpost’, and my thoughts on the concept of ‘forever’. Enter your email below for free instant access!

Every so often a beautiful soul will write to me,  “Bex, do you consider yourself an alcoholic?”

And reading between the lines, I feel the real question she’s asking herself: “Do I have to stop drinking completely?  Was I really that bad?”

How do you feel about labels?

Do you find certain ones (like alcoholic, addict, teetotaller, forever, etc) hold you back from choosing what’s best for you?  Does the Wine Witch have a field day in your head on this very topic?

Now that I’m almost nine-years alcohol-free (holy moly!), I love my non-drinking status, but I must admit, early in my journey it would rattle me whenever someone would comment:  “Oh WOW, how bad WERE you?”  Or, “Woah, I didn’t know you were THAT bad!”

Instantly, a wave of shame would wash over me.  I didn’t want to be labelled ‘bad’ by them, or anyone else.

I didn’t have the words for why it bothered me so much at the time.  But I do now.

They were forgetting one thing.  Granted, alcohol affected me deeply, and my behaviour whilst drinking definitely wasn’t ideal.  But I wasn’t a bad person.  Becoming emotionally addicted to something (whether alcohol, comfort eating, online shopping, or technology) isn’t a moral failing.

As Holly Whitaker so aptly put it:  “Addiction is an experience, not an identity.”

Really think about that with me for a sec.  While we might refer to someone as an ex-smoker, we’re unlikely to call them a ‘cigarretteaholic’ for the rest of their lives, or ask someone if the reason they don’t smoke is because they were ‘that bad’, or because they have ‘a smoking problem’.  As though they’ve done something so shameful that they’ve lost their ‘cigarette privileges’.

We know that smoking is ultimately not a healthy habit for anyone.  Instead, we’re impressed that they had the gumption and self-respect to walk away from an addiction and choose something better for themselves.

Likewise, we can choose not to inhale, drink, or otherwise consume a toxic substance, simply because we want to be happier and healthier.  And we don’t need a label to do it.

In A Happier Hour, I wrote:

“Because in the end, it didn’t matter whether I drank every day, or binge-drank once a week.  What mattered was the effect drinking was having on my soul.  Alcohol wasn’t good for me and I was much better off without it.  People could call that what they liked.”

Labels only hold weight if you want them to.

The label of ‘alcoholic’ resonates with many people around the world. Many people embrace it for themselves because it helps them to remember why they don’t drink.  And I love that for them.

But personally, I’ve never found this label particularly well-defined or helpful.

I know I was most definitely emotionally addicted to alcohol, just as I’ve been addicted to sugar in the past.  But for me, freedom lies in being able to heal that addiction and evolve beyond it.

That is: I was addicted, but I’m not an addict.  I have screwed things up in the past, but I’m not a screw up.  My mistakes and experiences don’t define me – I’m growing and changing every moment of every day (as we all are).

While I’ve never called myself an alcoholic or addict, I do love to say, “I don’t drink”, “I’m a non-drinker”, or “I’m sober.”  All of those phrases and labels feel positive and empowering to me.

And that’s precisely the key point here.  Your labels should feel good to YOU.

No-one else can hang one on you without your consent.

You don’t have to reach your ‘rock bottom’.  You don’t have to decide whether your drinking was ‘bad’ enough to stop completely.

The only question you need to ponder is: is my current situation good enough?  Is this what I truly want in my life?

Choosing to stop drinking completely is not a public admission that there’s something wrong with you.  That you’re ‘diseased and can’t handle your alcohol’.

Quite the opposite.  It’s an incredible act of maturity and strength to choose not to ingest a Class 1 carcinogen – an addictive substance to which anyone can become addicted.  It takes courage to smash through limiting beliefs, face things head on, and actually make huge changes in your life.  Most people don’t.

The great thing about labels is you don’t have to decide on them right now.  You don’t have to assign one to yourself before you can take action.  You don’t have to choose how you want to define yourself from now until forever.

What if, for now, you just said, ‘I feel better when I don’t drink, so I’m not going to drink’?

What if you simply chose self-love?

With love,

PS. Which labels (or lack thereof) feel the best for you? Come share with me on Facebook or Instagram.

And if you need some help to go deeper into your sobriety mindset, I have a ton of resources for you!

Start by watching a free special screening of one of our most popular coaching videos – Why Sobriety vs. Moderation.

Ooh, we dive deep into ALL the big topics in this one: identifying triggers, conquering cravings, overcoming self-sabotage, the benefits of ‘moving the goalpost’, and my thoughts on the concept of ‘forever’. Enter your email below for free instant access!

It was a Friday night and the after-work crowd was in fully swing…

I was just a few months into my sobriety, and while I admit, some outings had been super challenging, this time I felt calm and confident. 

Some of my favourite people were at the bar and I knew I’d have a good time, even though I wasn’t drinking.

As I held my cranberry, lime and soda, a friend passed a glass of wine right under my nose.

One whiff was all it took.

To my absolute shock, I experienced a full body shudder of revulsion.

Before my mind had a chance to make up stories about how ‘wonderful, glamorous or romantic’ wine was, my body told the truth.

Boy, this was fascinating to a woman who once guzzled the stuff!

This reaction absolutely floored me. It felt like such a magical moment of freedom from a belief system that had kept me trapped for so long.

A few months later, a friend gave me a sip of a mocktail she’d concocted with an energy drink, and once again, my body shook with repulsion.

I couldn’t believe how one sip could turn my stomach and twist up my insides. It felt bigger than just not enjoying the taste; it felt like my body was having a strong reaction to a flavour it had always associated with alcohol.

Although it’d been decades since I’d guzzled Red Bull and vodka pints, my body remembered.  It felt like experiencing a full-body flashback. Gross.

So many beautiful souls ask me what my thoughts are on non-alcoholic beer, wine, and distilled spirits.

The truth is, some people find these products helpful in the transition to alcohol-free living, which is wonderful.  I’m a huge fan of anything that works for YOU.

The choice is always yours.  As always, my advice is:

Listen to your body.  Be deeply honest with yourself.

Avoid anything that feels in the least bit triggering for you.  Give yourself the very best chance for success.

The magical thing about humans is that we are all different and unique.

Personally, I avoided these products entirely in early sobriety because I wanted to retrain my brain, and allow my body to experience entirely new flavours.  Back then, I found alcohol-removed drinks to be highly triggering and way too reminiscent of the real thing.

The beautiful part about choosing fresh mocktails and simple elixirs, is that it signalled (to myself, and to that darn Beast in my head!) that I was choosing something better than booze; that I didn’t buy into the worn-out old story of alcohol as ‘glamorous, romantic or exciting’ anymore.

Those full-body visceral reactions were a twist I’d never seen coming.  But they felt like a very happy, welcome surprise when they did.

This is precisely why I created the mocktail recipes in Mocktails over Mayhem without any brand-name ingredients or alcohol substitutes.

Because I wanted this little eBook is accessible for everyone, whichever side you land on.

The great thing about these recipes is that they stand up all on their own.

Created with easy, healthy ingredients (and with all sweeteners completely optional), each elixir is filled with substance and sass, inviting you to embrace your creativity with garnishes and serve each mocktail in your own way.

Scrumptious drinks that your body will love.  Cheers to that!

Best of all?

Mocktails over Mayhem: The Recipe Collection is available in a delicious Bundle, together with our newly released Eating for Energy.

Happy experimenting!

With love,

If there’s one thing that can be a huge bugbear in early sobriety, it’s those darn sugar cravings!

Each week I receive messages from beautiful souls wanting to know how to soothe their cravings for the sweet stuff. How to avoid transferring their obsession with alcohol, to an obsession for snacks and desserts that only make them (and their hormones, energy levels, moods and relationships!) feel worse.

Thankfully, I have something that can help!

If you’ve taken a sneak peek at our all-new Etsy store, you might have caught a glimpse of another surprise:

Eating for Energy: Awaken Your Sparkle

This guidebook has been on such an incredible journey.  I wrote the first edition back in 2014 after graduating as a Holistic Health Coach.

Back then, the concepts included inside blew my mind.

After decades of calorie-counting, I’d always thought of food as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (thanks for nothing, diet culture!).

I had no idea that it was the quality of food that really mattered. I had no clue that eating more whole foods had the power to impact not only our energy levels and moods, but the way we show up in the world.

I had no idea that eating great food could make me a happier, nicer, more well balanced human!

Back then, I ran a coaching program focused on helping women to have more energy and get their sparkle back. This little eBook was so beloved, reaching hundreds of raving readers, that I just knew I had to bring it back.

Recently revised and refreshed for 2022, this eBook is available for instant download to read on your computer, smartphone or tablet.

Waiting inside for you:

:: 9 action-packed chapters exploring the secrets to increased energy, including: Hydration Station, The Magic of Movement, Know Your Enemy, Sleepy Head, Rise and Shine, Get Organised, Own the Day, Essential Travel Kit, and Self Love.

:: 21 easy, healthy recipes – plus a ton of fun options, new twists and delicious alternatives.

:: Fun-sheets and tips for throwing a great meal together, even when you barely have the energy to open the fridge.

:: The simplest shopping list/meal planner ever. Seriously.

:: Time and money-saving tips to keep you on top of your game.

:: Gorgeous charts ready to print and stick on your fridge or pantry to make clean eating a breeze.

:: Practical advice and tools that you can begin using today, even if you only have 15 minutes, including how to bring the FUN back to your food and meal-times.

Say goodbye to mood swings, energy slumps and irritability, and HELLO to sparkling energy, glowing skin, deeper sleep, and oodles of confidence!

Best of all?

Eating for Energy is available in a delicious Bundle, together with our newly released Mocktails over Mayhem: The Recipe Collection.

Here’s to your sober glow in 3… 2… 1….

With love,

The funny thing about my brain is whenever I get excited, I start talking in old-timey language. Suddenly my mouth starts spouting dorky phrases like hooly dooly, Oh my giddy Aunt, and yippee skippy!

And we’re super duper lucky today, my friend, because it turns out it’s one of those days. Yup, I’m ridiculously excited to be writing this because I HAVE NEWS!

If you’ve been around here for a while, you may remember me mentioning that Dom and I have been working hard behind the scenes on a heap of new things.  It’s true, travel interruptions and COVID have conspired to slow us down, BUT… we’re finally seeing the clouds lift and these beautiful ideas come to life, and I’m so flippin’ pumped to share them with you!

Starting with…

Mocktails over Mayhem: The Recipe Collection

For the longest time, you’ve asked for a collection of mocktail recipes in an instantly downloadable eBook that you could use as a guide throughout your first few weeks (months, or even years!) of sobriety.

And I’m so thrilled to announce it’s finally HERE!

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from being sober over the past 8 years, it’s that the more we focus on what we’re gaining (rather than what we believe we’re missing out on), the easier our journey will be.

Double the points if we’re actually having fun!

These recipes aim to help you do just that.  A cinch to make, they’ll have your taste buds tingling so much, they’ll never want to go back to booze-laden bevvies.

Featuring 21 delicious recipes, each elixir is filled with personality and flair, inviting you to get creative with garnishes and serve each drink in a different way.  This can also provide the perfect excuse to repurpose all your old cocktail glasses or crystal wine goblets.

Scrumptious drinks, with none of the hangovers.  Cheers to that!

Best of all?

Mocktails over Mayhem: The Recipe Collection is available in a delicious Bundle, together with our newly released Eating for Energy.

Happy experimenting!

With love,

Let’s face it, disappointment is an unfortunate part of life – usually occurring at the most inconvenient times, and causing a string of emotions.

For example, what happens when you have your heart set on your first post-pandemic trip in three years?

Well…

 This whole tale started last Spring, when I fell in love with a colleague’s branding photos. Dom and I were working hard behind-the-scenes on a fun new project for you that requires some new snaps, and since this talented photographer’s style matched so perfectly, it felt like kismet.

There was just one teensy little catch. This talented photographer was located in Queensland. As in, the other side of the country!

But I loved these photos so much, I wasn’t going to let a 5 hour flight stand in my way!

All jacked up on the excitement of a NEW PLAN, by November 2021, I’d booked the photographer, shoot location, and makeup artist, as well as flights, accommodation, and car hire.

We were due to fly in January 2022 and were beyond excited! With our state’s border closed for most of the pandemic, we’d felt isolated in more ways than one, for far too long. Finally, it was reopened and we’d be moving forwards!

Then COVID cases began to spiral in Australia, and just a few weeks before we were due to fly, the state government reinstated our hard border and we were no longer permitted to travel.

We were crushed.

But, don’t you worry. If there’s one thing sobriety has taught me, it’s how to be resilient.

By May of this year, it seemed the situation had settled down. Once again, I booked the photographer, shoot location, makeup artist, flights, accommodation, and car hire.

I knew it was going to happen this time. I’d mended the outfits I needed to take, and made a million lists of props and things so I wouldn’t forget anything. I ate well, and exercised to shift the last of the pandemic pounds and feel more confident in front of the camera. We packed our bags early and told my Queensland friends we were coming.

And then, just three days before we were due to fly, Dom tested positive to COVID.

Da-da-daaaaaaaa…

Sadly, I tested positive a few days after that, and *poof!* all our travel dreams went up in isolation smoke.

When stuff like this happens, it can be so easy to throw in the towel on our intentions. It can be so tempting to fall back into old patterns – or, if we’re in early sobriety – to fall back into the bottle.

But there is a healthier way!

Here are my favourite techniques for rewriting the story, also known as 3 ways to deal with disappointment in sobriety…

1. Let yourself feel it.

Perspective is a beautiful thing, and logically you may know how lucky you are in the scheme of things, but this is a little reminder in case you need it today:

Your emotions are valid. There is no hierarchy of suffering. Just because someone else has it worse than you, does not make your experience any less real.

Rather than shoving your emotions away (or drowning them!), let yourself feel.

You’re allowed to feel frustrated, and upset, and disappointed, and all-the-things. Let yourself grieve for a hot minute. Feeling a broad spectrum of emotions is what makes us most human.

A little self-care, and a lot of self-compassion and love, and you’re likely to feel much better tomorrow. And you’ll be so glad you honoured your true emotions rather than shoving them away.

2. Change your state.

Because missing out on something we were really looking forward to can make us feel stagnant, doing something to change our emotional state can really help us to get unstuck.

For me, that looked like sharing my frustration by calling my closest friends and family members to vent about how disappointed we were. Good friends and family can help you laugh about the situation, often before you can get there on your own.

Another great way to change your emotional state (especially when you’re not ill) might look like working out (endorphins, work your magic!), or taking a long, hot bath.

When I asked how other beautiful souls deal with disappointment in sobriety, over on Instagram, I received a ton of great responses including:

– Meditate.

– Blast your favourite tunes.

– Bake something scrumptious and comforting.

– Watch happy movies and silly shows.

– Remind yourself how far you’ve come, and that “this too shall pass”.

– Remember how grateful you are to not be hungover AND disappointed.

3. Redirect your focus.

When you’re ready to pick yourself back up and dust yourself off, let yourself dream again. Just because one plan didn’t pan out, doesn’t mean the next one won’t.

Use this mishap as a chance to reconsider what it is you truly want. Take a deep breath and an even deeper look into your future, and think about what your new plans could be.

When all of our Queensland bookings had been cancelled (again!), and the dust settled, I started to think creatively.

Because what’s that they say about the definition of insanity? 

I could keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results – that is, I could go through this entire saga again (and rebook the Queensland trip for the third time!) – or I could open my mind and consider a fresh idea.

It reminded me of my drinking days and how I kept relentlessly trying to moderate. All those years that I made the same ‘drinking rules’, only to break them over and over again.

I kept trying harder, rather than looking at an entirely new solution: trying sobriety instead. 

A great way to do this – a savvy way to redirect your focus – is to ask, “What if…?”

What if I could find a local photographer I loved just as much?

What if we booked a trip to somewhere entirely different?

Or, as was the case back when I finally stopped drinking: what if I tried sobriety?

Because when we open our minds, we can find a whole new avenue of solutions we’d never considered before.

And that, my friend, is truly where the magic is. ✨

PS. Which of these techniques resonates with you most? Come share with me on Facebook or Instagram!

And if you need some help to go deeper into your sobriety mindset, I have a ton of resources for you!

Start by watching a free special screening of one of our most popular coaching videos – Why Sobriety vs. Moderation.

We dive deep into ALL the big topics in this one: identifying triggers, conquering cravings, overcoming self-sabotage, the benefits of ‘moving the goalpost’, and my thoughts on the concept of ‘forever’.  Enter your email below for free instant access!

Every so often a beautiful soul will ask me:

“Bex, do you still crave or miss drinking? I understand that time helps make it easier, but how long did it take until you didn’t miss or crave it?”

In Chapter 9 of A Happier Hour, and all throughout Sexy Sobriety, we often talk about the way ending our relationship with alcohol can feel like the heartbreak of ending any other relationship.

I swear I cried more in the first two months of sobriety than I ever had in my entire life. I cried because I missed it; I cried because I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without it. It felt devastating that something so stupid could have such an incredible hold over me.

But just like with any breakup, it gets easier. At each milestone – one month, three months, six months – I felt increasingly bigger shifts.

As much as I wish I could tell you it happens quickly, the whole process is more of a slow healing. Some days might feel amazing, like you’ve escaped a poisonous relationship and are free to start again. Others might feel like a long, slow drudge.

Personally, although I had some fabulous days in between, it took a good eight months or so before I started to notice that I didn’t even miss alcohol anymore.

But if I had to do it all over again, I know there are five things in particular that really help the process along:

1.  Let Go.

Deep down, I knew that my relationship with alcohol was toxic, but that didn’t stop me from pining for our life together.

Sadly, so much of my prolonged suffering was the result of me wanting to keep one foot in my new life (sans alcohol) and one firmly in the old one (stuck in my ridiculous old love-hate relationship with drinking).

It’s only natural to grieve for a relationship that may have formed when you were still just a girl; a teenager. It’s normal to see other people drinking (ie: hanging out with your ex) and feel resentful. But resist the urge to romanticise or glamorise the love affair you had.

Remember instead all the crap that relationship put you through – all the times you fell over, lost things, said things you regret, woke up in strange places, and argued with the people who meant the most to you. Remember the morning-after downwards spiral of shame, nausea and paranoia.

Avoid ‘Facebook Fantasyland’ and any other social media channels that display a highlight reel. And ignore your ex (alcohol) when they promise, “It’ll be different this time.” Of course it won’t. It’ll be the exact same drama they’ve always put you through. It always is.

One way to move forward more quickly and minimise your suffering, is to well and truly let go. Make up a little breakup ritual if you’d like to. Remove all alcohol bottles and accessories from your home altogether. Restock your fridge with entirely new drinks and snacks. Signify the end of a relationship that did not serve you.

A break up doesn’t mean it’s the end of our lives; it simply means it’s the end of one chapter and the beginning of potentially an entire new story. Where will your new story take you?

2. Take Great Care of Yourself.

It’s a well-worn trope that the newly-single often treat themselves to a new hairdo, but sometimes these things are cliched for a reason! Do whatever makes you feel your best. Now’s the the time to experiment with a new look, or a new routine.

It’s okay if you eat more junk food or sugar in the first few weeks of sobriety (I certainly did). But eventually you’ll crave a change, and the thing is – the more you look after yourself, the more you’ll want to.

Lavish your broken heart with self care, in any and every form. Sink into a bubble bath, take yourself to a day spa, or get a massage. Hire someone to help you with your finances, delegate some tasks at work, or bring someone in to clean your home. Nourish your body with healthy food, find movement you love⁠, and give yourself the gift of early nights.

Do whatever you need to to ensure you feel well cared for and loved. Remind yourself, with every little action, of this incredible new life you’re creating for yourself. Because there truly is so much to look forward to.

3. Shake it Off.

A fun and savvy trick that can also help the process along?  Breakup songs!

As two of our Sexy Sobriety Members shared:

“ Associating drinking with a bad relationship helps me greatly. I’m a huge music fan and love ‘angry chick songs’ about bad relationships.

My favorite thing to do when I’m singing along at the top of my lungs in the car is to replace the ‘boyfriend’ with the bottle or alcohol!  I tell ya, it works for every breakup song and helps to get that angst out and remind myself that I am a badass!

The absolute best song to switch out the person with alcohol is Fighter by Christina Aguilera!  So empowering.  Listen to every word, it totally works! ”

“ I actually built a whole Spotify playlist for this purpose!  I call it “Roar,” and over time it has grown to over 150 songs.

I started by only adding songs with upbuilding lyrics.  The way I see it, singing is like repeating affirmations over and over, so might as well make them a positive message! ”

I love this concept so much, and they’re right – it absolutely works!  I like to picture the face of The Beast (or the Wine Witch!) whenever I sing:

• Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar (okay, so this one probably ages me, ha!).
• I’m Still Standing – Elton John
• Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
• Stronger – Kelly Clarkson (I mean, pretty much any of Kelly’s songs, right?)

Give it a try!  Pick out a few favourite songs and discover how empowered they make you feel.

4. Try New Things.

Let’s face it, going to the same places as your ex, with the same old friends who all worship your ex, is going to make it that much harder to move on.

A great post-breakup strategy is to shake up the way you socialise (and avoid seeing your ex altogether!). Rather than meeting friends at the pub or catching up over a bottle of wine, make plans to meet for a scrumptious brunch at a cafe with a view, or organise a fun daytime activity you can do together, like long beach walks, a ceramics class, or yoga.

A relationship that we’re unhappy in (thank you very much, hangovers, shame and regret) can be a huge drain on our time, money, and attention. Embrace the chance to channel all that energy into trying new things.

What are you passionate (or even a little bit curious) about? Maybe you’ve always loved to write, draw, paint, scrapbook, take beautiful photos, redecorate, cook, or play an instrument.

Make a plan to fill those hours you would have normally spent drinking. Switch up your routine. Go for a walk before making dinner, if that’s a time you’d usually drink. Take the dog or kids to a new park. Experiment in the kitchen by cooking up a storm or baking. Read (or listen to) a book.

On the weekends, if you’d usually sink into the couch with a few drinks in front of the TV, head out to the cinema or to see a live theatre show instead. Or change things up and watch a movie in bed with some fancy chocolate and a cup of herbal tea. Travel to a new place (day trips count too!).

You’re only limited by your imagination!

Trying new things, taking on new challenges, having a purpose, and having something to look forward to, all boost our self-esteem, fulfilment and happiness. They make it easier to remain focused on what we’re gaining, rather than what we fear we’ve given up.

So write a list of things you’ve always wanted to do, and head on out and try them!

5. Trust the Process.

Oh boy, do I remember how impatient I felt in those first few weeks and months of early sobriety. How frustrated I was at the sheer amount of emotional work it took to heal my relationship with alcohol and myself.

How I wished for the hard part to be over so I could just get to the good part, for crying out loud!

It felt so scary to be making so many huge life changes with no guarantee that it would ever pay off.

It’s only now, with hindsight, that I can look back and see that those challenging days were the ones that changed me the most.

Those days, full of tears and frustration, were where the magic happened; where I built the strong foundation for my present reality. They taught me so many lessons, including trust, self-kindness, and resilience – traits that have come in handy no end in the years since.

Within those darkest days, the true healing happened.

Trust the slow pace, angel.  The healing is happening within, even when you can’t see it or feel it.  Even if it takes longer than you want it to.

Anything worthwhile in life takes time, devotion – and a whole crap-ton of patience. ⁠Keep going. You WILL get there.

You are amazing, and so much stronger than you know.

PS. Which of these resonates with you most? Come share with me on Facebook or Instagram!

And if you need some help to go deeper into your sobriety mindset, I have a ton of resources for you!

Start by watching a free special screening of one of our most popular coaching videos – Why Sobriety vs. Moderation.

We dive deep into ALL the big topics in this one: identifying triggers, conquering cravings, overcoming self-sabotage, the benefits of ‘moving the goalpost’, and my thoughts on the concept of ‘forever’. Enter your email below for free instant access!

Oh boy, did I love sweet treats when I was a kid. 

Captivated by all manner of lollies and chocolates, I was next-level excited about the prospect of getting more. I remember hiding little boxes of sweets under my bed like some kind of sugar-obsessed squirrel, and feeling infinitely more calm knowing my secret stash wouldn’t run out anytime soon.

Even throughout my teens, I was infatuated, and would quite happily have eaten a chocolate bar over a meal, any day of the week.

In many ways, I wonder if sugar was my first addiction.

I certainly remember my sugar journey’s lowest point. I was twenty-three years old and had begged my then-boyfriend to stop on our way home so I could buy a chocolate bar.

Annoyed with me, he refused at first. Just a day earlier, I’d sworn off sweets altogether in an attempt to lose the additional pounds that had decided to throw a party on my hips.

But ohhhh, how I begged, and pleaded, and swore it was just this one last time…  (I can stop anytime I want, I promise!)

Setting his face into a grimace, he pulled into the carpark and I sprang out of the car with the kind of adrenalin driven by pure desperation. Inside the store, I quickly snatched three chocolate bars and made for the register.

“What!” he exclaimed in hot pursuit, as he attempted to grab them from my hands. “One, not three. Put them back.”

“No!” I hissed, as I clung to them for dear life.

Seeing the look on my face (and no doubt wanting to avoid a scene), he let go. Filled with shame, I fought back tears as we made our way through the checkout.

I felt completely out of control.

Sugar has been a sizzling hot topic for the past few years with the release of documentaries, The Men Who Made Us Fat, Fed Up, and That Sugar Film, and I for one am tickled pink to see it gaining so much attention.

Sugar has been shown to increase the risk of diabetes, dementia, cancer, and heart disease. It’s a leading factor in excessive weight gain, tooth decay, inflammation, and skin conditions.

And as for mood swings, podgy middle sections, bloating, and 3pm energy slumps?  Yup, our sweet little friend strikes again.

If your inner 3-year-old is throwing a tantrum and screaming ‘But it tastes sooooo goooood!’, you’re not alone. Humans are genetically programmed to enjoy sweet foods and the white stuff is highly addictive.

Sugar cravings can be particularly fierce when we’re in the process of ditching the drink, and it can be incredibly tempting to simply switch one addiction for another.

The keys to controlling cravings are gentle behaviour change and balance, and for that, we’re gonna need a Game Plan! The next time you find yourself wanting to sink elbow-deep into the cookie jar, try one of these tips instead. Here are 10 of my favourite ways to conquer sugar cravings…

1. Reduce Caffeine

I know, I know… I loved my morning cup(s) of coffee too, but sadly, the ups and downs of caffeine include dehydration and blood sugar swings (and for many, increased anxiety), all of which can cause sugar cravings to become more frequent.

Just another reason to limit your cup of Joe to one (or less) per day. Or, better yet, try switching to decaf (from the many brands who now use the Swiss Water Process, rather than chemical methods). Same scrumptious taste, with none of the downside. Win win! 

2. Drink More Water

Soft drinks, soda, energy drinks, and packaged fruit drinks are typically loaded with sugar that can add up fast! Try drinking sour or bitter drinks instead, or adding freshly squeezed lemon, lime or grapefruit juice to sparkling mineral water.

Sometimes, sweet cravings are just a sign of dehydration. Before you reach for sugar (whether in the form of cakes, chocolates, or in liquid form), drink a glass of water. Wait a few minutes to see what happens. You might just find the desire passes right on by.

3. Eat Sweet Vegetables

Pumpkin, corn, beetroot, carrots and sweet potato are naturally sweet, healthy, and delicious. Packed with vitamins, minerals and fibre, they’ll keep you satisfied for longer and will help curb your cravings for added sugar.

Experiment with herbs and spices too. Coriander, mint, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and cardamom will naturally sweeten your foods and help reduce cravings. Try a little sprinkle of cinnamon to naturally sweeten your coffee or decaf – so good!

4. Choose the Most Natural Form

Let’s get real. It’s unlikely that you’re going to avoid desserts forever. So if and when you do treat yourself, avoid chemical, artificial sweeteners and foods with added sugar.

Instead, experiment with natural sweeteners like medjool dates, organic maple syrup, and coconut sugar. They’re still sweets and moderation is key, but they also come packed with vitamins and minerals, plus the fibre from dates will keep you feeling satisfied for that much longer.

5. Ditch the Fat-Free / Low-Fat Labels

Fat-free and low-fat foods compensate for the lack of flavour from fat with high quantities of sugar, which will send you on a rollercoaster ride of sugar highs and lows.

Unsaturated fats are known as the ‘good fats’ because they’re good for your heart, cholesterol, and overall health. Foods high in good fats (like avocado, oily fish, nuts and seeds) actually kill sugar cravings, while balancing hormones and feeding the brain and skin.

Forget the marketing hype and get friendly with the good stuff – real food, straight from nature.

6. Reduce Your Consumption

The less sugar you eat, the less you’ll crave. Eventually your tastebuds will change and desserts you used to enjoy will taste too sweet. Hurray!

Trust me, I this is one strategy I thought would never work, so I was shocked when it actually did! When shopping at the store, choose the smallest portion of each treat (even if it costs slightly more). Let’s face it, the first few licks or bites always taste the best, and after that, it’s a law of diminishing returns. So why sink yourself in a whole family tub of ice-cream, if you can just have a tiny kiddie size that will satisfy your craving?

Slowly, over time, start to focus more on quality over quantity. Often the best quality chocolates, or treats infused with natural sugars, are richer in flavour and will keep you feeling satisfied for longer – which means you’ll eat less of them overall!

Also try eating a piece of fruit immediately before indulging in a high-sugar snack or dessert. It’ll make the treat last that much longer (and taste that much sweeter), which means you’ll be naturally inclined to eat less of the dessert.

The delicious bonus is when you focus on getting your sweet fix from low-sugar snacks, good quality dark chocolate (Lindt 85% is my favourite!), or whole fruit instead, fruit (especially organic) begins to take on a whole new, richer flavour that will blow your mind. Try it for yourself!

7. Move Your Body, Lady!

Even if it’s just simple activities like walking or yoga. Start with 10 minutes a day and gradually increase.

Being active helps balance blood sugar levels, boosts energy, clears the mind and reduces tension, which will help you to navigate all of life’s ups and downs, and eliminate the need to self-medicate with sugar.

8. Catch Some zzzzz‘s

Embrace more sleep, rest and relaxation. Simple carbohydrates, such as sugar, are the most readily usable forms of energy for an exhausted body and mind.

If you’re in a chronic state of stress and/or sleep deprivation, your body will crave the quickest form of energy there is – sugar. Ensuring you get enough rest will save you from this toxic, never-ending cycle.

Create your own soothing bedtime ritual to help you wind down, and aim to hit the hay at the same time each night.

9. Tap It Out

Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as EFT or Tapping) can be a huge help in not only reducing alcohol cravings and steadying emotions, but also in reducing sugar cravings.

Check out this demo video from Gabby Bernstein on how to end sugar cravings with EFT, and engage in some self-soothing.  The best part about EFT is that it’s free, and you can do it anywhere!

10. Find Sweetness in Non-Food Ways

Cravings – especially for sweets – often have a psychological component. If you find yourself craving or eating too many sweet things, ask yourself if your cravings are the symptom of something deeper? Are you really craving more fun, adventure, affection, or freedom in your life?

Bust out your journal, take a deep breath, and really explore the topic. What feels out of balance for you right now? What small steps could you take to address this? How could you better deal with emotions you might be trying to comfort with sweets?

When life becomes sweet enough itself, sugar can’t add anything we don’t already have. ♥

Want to go deeper?

The Sparkle Project is a 6-week lifestyle challenge designed to help you uncover what it is you truly crave (hint: it’s rarely the sugar itself).  Click here to dive right in. ♥

In early sobriety, having the right mindset is everything. 

Let’s face it, embarking on any big lifestyle change is bound to be challenging. Not only are we creating new neural pathways in our brain, but we’re also learning how to live again in many ways. That’s some big stuff!

It’s normal to feel terrified of all this change, and in the process, we can find ourselves imagining the worst.

Our minds can be incredibly powerful in helping us to overcome these fears and old patterns, and training our brains to focus on the positive can really supercharge our efforts.

In other words, having powerful ways to reframe our thinking can mean the difference between actually enjoying our sobriety journey, and sinking back into old habits and patterns that no longer serve us.

So how do we flip the switch?

Here are 3 of my favourite magical mindset shifts for early sobriety:

1. Ask the Right Question.

Have you read Tommy Rosen’s book, Recovery 2.0?   I always enjoy reading people’s different perspectives and stories about sobriety, and I especially resonated with this quote:

“Here is a question I have been asked by almost everyone who starts down this path:⁠ “Tommy, is there some way you know of whereby I can drink a little…?”⁠

My answer is always the same. “You are asking the wrong question. What you really want to know is “How can I be happy and free?” ⁠

Since you equate drinking… with happiness, you simply don’t want to let them go. And yet, when you take a look at your history, it is probably easy for you to see that your ‘habit’ with this thing has not brought you happiness, but rather a lot of pain and suffering. 

How strange that you would like to find a way to continue something that has been so painful!⁠”

I loved this so much.

Back when I was desperately trying (and failing) to moderate my drinking, I’d go around and around in my (hungover) head, thinking:⁠

Well, it’s not like I’m a falling-down-in-the-gutter drunk, or anything. I haven’t lost my job, or crashed my car… Surely I don’t have to give it up completely?!⁠

Turns out I was asking entirely the wrong question. The right one – the one that shifted everything – was:⁠ ⁠

What was I giving up by continuing to drink?⁠ ⁠

It was such a powerful reframe.

Continually asking, “Am I really that bad?” wasn’t the key to a new perspective or the happiness I craved.

Instead, asking, “Is this situation good enough for me, and the life I truly want?” allowed me to see everything through fresh eyes, and move forward in a whole new way.

Ask the right question. It has the power to change everything.

2. Surrender your idea of who you used to be

It’s funny how attached we become to our old ideas and identities. Every now and then, I notice that when Dom or a friend suggests a certain activity (like playing golf, ice skating, or camping), my immediate, knee-jerk reaction is, “No way. I’ve tried that and I don’t like it.”

And maybe I did try it once upon a time. But I was a different person then. I had a different outlook, not to mention, a very different hierarchy of values.

I really fell in love with this mindset shift when Dom and I moved homes a few years ago. Boy, did this move bring up a lot of angst for me. I was so excited about our new home, and yet… there’s so much change involved in moving house, right? Change of neighbourhood, local hangouts, familiar faces. There’s so much temptation to cling to the old – to reminisce and romanticise things that no longer serve us – rather than embrace the new.

I know I also did this in early sobriety, and I’m guessing at some point you’ve felt it, too. I mean, if I wasn’t the woman always first in line at the bar, ordering drinks for everyone and helping them have a good time, then who was I? 

Indeed, so much of the emotional rollercoaster of early sobriety comes from the grief and struggle over letting go of our old identity.

If there’s one thing that’s true about sobriety, it’s that we change, grow, and evolve at lightning-quick pace.

Minds change. Hearts open. Quantum leaps take place.

As Cheryl Strayed put it so brilliantly:

“Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore.”

3. Recognise that Growth Generates Happiness.

When I first stopped drinking, I often felt annoyed at how hard it felt. My inner teenager would pitch a fit for DAYS about why *I* had to be the one to change, while others stayed cozy in their comfort zones. ⁠

Slowly I realised that I had it all wrong. I didn’t have to change. I could easily choose to keep stubbornly plodding down the path I was on; a path that was making me increasingly unhappy.⁠

Or I could think about how amazing it was that I got to change. That my heart had requested more from life, and what an incredible gift that was in itself.⁠

Because, here’s the thing: although it can feel scary, uncomfortable and painful at times, over the long term, it truly is growth that generates happiness. ⁠

Not staying stuck. Or being afraid to be different from our friends or family.

Not consuming more drinks or food or clothes or electronics, or the myriad of other things our society tells us to consume in order to find happiness.

Not shrinking yourself to be the same person you were a year ago. ⁠

But, taking action. Solving problems. Overcoming new challenges. Boldly going deeper into your connection with other people.

Reaching your full potential. ⁠

So go ahead and grow, angel. Follow your heart.

Give yourself permission to change and evolve and become anything and everything you’ve ever wanted to be.

We get to do this.

P.S.  Your mind is incredibly powerful in helping you to overcome old patterns, and training your brain to focus on the positive can really supercharge your efforts. Which mindset shift will you use today? Come share with me on Facebook or Instagram!

If you need some help to go deeper into your sobriety mindset, I have a ton of resources for you!

Start by watching a free special screening of one of our most popular coaching videos – Why Sobriety vs. Moderation.

Ooh, we dive deep into all the big topics in this one: identifying triggers, conquering cravings, overcoming self-sabotage, the benefits of ‘moving the goalpost’, and my thoughts on the concept of ‘forever’. Enter your email below for free instant access!

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